50 funny facts about men

1. men like to barbecue.men will cook if danger is involved.

2. men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage.they've experienced pain and bought jewellery.

3.if u buy ur husband or boyfriend a video camera,for first few weeks he has it,lock the door when u go to the bathroom

4. most of husbands' or men's early films end with a scream and a flush.

5. be careful of men who are bald and rich;the arrogance of 'rich' usually cancels out the nice of 'bald'

6. marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible.in a world where there are more women than men,it pays to recycle

7. men are very confident people.a husband is so confident that when he watches sports on television,he thinks that if he concentrates he can help his team.if the team is in trouble,he coaches the players from the living room,and if they're really in trouble,the wife has to get off the phone in case they call him

8. if it's attention you want,don't get involved with a man during playoff season

9. men like phones with lots of buttons.it makes them feel important

10. men love to be the first to read the newspaper in the morning.not being the first is upsetting to their psyches

11. all men look nerdy in black socks and sandals

12. the way a men looks at himself in a mirror will tell you if he can ever care about anyone else

13.don't try to teach men how to do anything in public.they can learn in private;in public they have to know

14. men who are going bald often wear baseball caps

15.all men are afraid of eyelash curlers.sleep with one under your pillow,instead of a gun

16. a good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner.these men usually have jobs and bathe

17. men love watches with multiple functions.a husband has one that is a combination address book,telescope and piano

18. all men hate to hear,'we need to talk about our relationship.'these 7 words strike fear in the heart of even the Inspector General of Police

19. men are sensitive in strange ways.if a man has built a camp fire and the last log does not burn,he will take it personally.

20. men are brave enough to go to war,but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax

21. all men think that they're nice guys.some of them are not.ask disgruntled women for a list of names

22. men don't get cellulite

23. men have an easier time buying bathing suits.women have two types:depressing and more depressing.men have two types:nerdy and not nerdy

24. men have higher body temperatures than women.if your heating goes out in winter,sleep nex to a man.men are like portable heaters that snore

25. women take clothing much more seriously than men.rarely does a man walk into a party and say,'oh,my gosh,i'm so embarrassed;get me out of here.there's another man wearing a black tuxedo.'

26. most men hate to shop.that's why men's department is usually on the first floor of a department store,two inches from the door

27. if a man prepares dinner for u and the salad contains three or more types of lettuce,he is serious

29. men own basketball teams.every year cheerleaders' outfits get tighter and briefer,and players' shorts get baggier and longer

30. no man is charming all of the time.even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant

31. when four or more men get together,they talk about sports.

32. when four or more women get together,they talk about men

33. not one men in a beer commercial has a beer belly

34. men are less sentimental than women.no man has ever seen the movie THE WAYWE ARE twice,voluntarily

35. most women are introspective:'am i in love? am i emotionally and creatively fulfilled?' most men are outrospective:'did my team win? how's my car?'

36. if a man says,'i'll call you,'and he doesn't,he didn't forget...he didn't lose your number..he didn't die.he just didn't wsant to call you

37. men hate to lose.if a woman beats her husband at tennis,she might ask him,'are we ever going to be in love again?' he might say,'yes,but not with each other.'

38. men who can eat anything they want and not gain weight should do it out of sight of women

39. getting rid of a man without hurting his masculinity is a problem.'get out' and 'i never want to see you again'might sound like a challenge.if you want to get rid of a man,say,'i love you...i want to marry you...i want to have your children.'sometimes they leave skid marks

40. men accept compliments much better than women do.example:'john,you look great.'john:'thanks'.on the other side:'jane,you look great.'jane:'i do?must be the lighting.'

41. impulse buying is not marcho.men rarely call the HOME SHOPPIGN NETWORK.

42. men who listen to classical music tend not to spit

43. only men who have worn a ski suit understand how complicated it is for a woman to go to the bathroom when she's wearing a jumpsuit

44. men don't feel the urge to get married as quickly as women do because their clothes all button and zip in the front.women's dresses usually button and zip in the back.woman need men emotionally and intimately,but they also need men to help them get dressed

45. men are slf-confident because they grow up identifying with superheroes.women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with barbies

46. when a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight,she will assume she has gained weight.when a man tries something from his closet that feels tight,he will assume the clothing has shrunk

47. male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause.with female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes.male menopause-you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles

48. men forget everything;women remember everything.that's why men need instant replays in sports.they've already forgotten what happened

49. men would like monogamy better if it sounded less like monotony

50.all men would still really like to own a train set